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Turtle Delight
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2008.01.17 18.55
Hmmm....
So she's been calling me every other day now. Is she TRYING to torture me? Or does she honestly, sincerely want to talk to me? I don't really know. Our conversations start off great, then somehow I fuck things up and she wants to get off of the phone. I need to work on that. Like Sam said, I made the same mistake twice, and I don't want to repeat anymore mistakes than I already have and make things even more harder for me than they already are. But I love Bribaby, what can I do? I can't help it. For once in my life after alla the bullsh!t I've been through, I found that person I was looking for. All of my friends said 'Jenn, don't worry. You can do better. Wayy better' and for awhile I thought I wasn't going to. Then Junior year rolled around and I saw her. I made it a point to talk to her and chickened out each time. SHE had rhe guts to come up to me, though. It was great. Our first date was on January 19th. It's coming up, but I highly doubt that we're going to do something together. Almost a month later, she asked me to be her girlfriend after she planned everything out. It was super adorable and really memorable. And our one year is coming up next month on the 7th, and I doubt that we're going to do anything on that day either. She doesn't want to argue anymore. and that's what I'm trying to do. I'm tryna keep my cool so that she can see that I can keep it under control and that I CAN change for the better. I'm gona try NOT to be Jennbitch. No Jennbitch anymore. I just wish things could be back to the days when we didn't have to worry about sh!t. Days where I couldn't wait to get out of class because I knew she would be RIGHT THERE. Waiting. And now she's not waiting around the corner for me. I'm on my own at school and it kind of sucks. I have Camille, though. Kim ditched us to be with Vietnamese girls. Don't get me wrong, they're cool and all, but why? I don't know about anything anymore.
I want things to be better. Great. FANTASTIC. and I'm gona do that. I'm gona do my best to make things better. Anything for her. Anything for her to be happy. Anything for us to be so happyyy togetherrr. Speaking of being happy, I had a dream after we got off of the phone. We were so happy in it. We were in some huge bed, just lying there together, not giving a shit. We rolled around like old times and we said our iloveyou's to each other. It was honestly the best dream I've had since we broke up. I want to tell her iloveyou, but I can't. I end up wanting to cry because I have a strong feeling that she's not going to say it back. The last time I heard her say iloveyou was a couple of wednesdays ago. She stopped mid-conversation and said 'baby?' then I answered 'yeah?' and she said 'iloveyou' and I felt a surge of relief to know that she loves me. But that was the last time I heard her say that to me. I miss it so much. I miss HER so much. I miss us.
I can't wait to drive. That would mean that I can see her when I want, when I'm able to. Hahah. I love her so much, I really would do anything for her. Probably including picking her up when she's fucken wasted as fuck, take her home, clean her up, and stay with her as long as I could. Well, I have to go and eat. I'll pick up later. PEACEOUT!
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2008.01.15 16.47
If I had one wish.
You'd be my boo, Promise to love you.
I remember when we would call each other 'babyboo' and 'boo'. Your ex got mad at me because I left you comments saying 'hey boo'. From the first day I laid my eyes upon you, I had a feeling there would be something between us. I remember the first full conversation we had. It was on the way to Wessels. I got a TA position for her again. There's already a TA for her, but Ms. Wessels said that it would pretty much be a free period for me because that girl likes to do work, leaving me with nothing to do but sit there and think about sh!t. The best days were always the ones spent with you. I loved spending 6th with you and then sometimes ditching just to be with you a little longer. Remember when we went to the park? You took my key and hid it in the tan bark. Fucker. Then remember how we had our first kissonthelips? You and Josh were walking me and Stephanie to PE and Josh gave her a kiss and then when I started to walk, you pulled me back and kissed me. & Remember our first real kiss? It was at the park and we were walking somewhere. I loved how your face looked when I made you cross that busy street with me. You thought I was a crazy motherfucker. Remember when you asked me if I was down? Because if I was down, you were down. Knowing you wanted to be with me, too, was the best thing I could have heard at that time. Then you said 'iloveyou'. That changed everything. For the better, of course. Our first fight was over Ronalyn. Hella dumb, but it brought us closer. And we weren't even together yet! That's when I KNEW you were serious about being with me. I love you so much. I love you so much, it hurts. And I want you back. I want US back. Iloveyou baby. alwayshave&alwayswill. PinkyPromise.
bebacklatertofinish.
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2008.01.13 22.59
mhmm
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
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2008.01.10 21.14
I'm trying but...
Why does it feel like no matter what I do I can't make anyone happy? I've "lost" the only other person that I can run to that helps me through shit like this, but not even she wants to be with me. Wtf am I doing wrong? And not only does she doubt me, so does my dad. He's always doubted me, though. But this time it fucken sucks. He came home today and was mad because no one cooked anything. Yeah, that's a dumb thing to be mad about, but don't say that life is a waste when you're at home. And then he asked how come I wasn't studying for my SATs and I told him that the deadline to pay already passed. and he was like 'GREAT! then don't take your SATs. GREAT!' and he didn't even ask why. he just assumed that I didn't do shit about them and I hate that. He always makes everything seem like it's MY fault. In reality, it was HIS fault for delaying the money. HE was the one that didn't pay for it. Before Holiday Break, I asked him if I could go with Bri to Socal. He said that if I really wanted to go then I could go, but for me to never come back. What father says that to their kid? Mine.I was at work when he said that to me. I called him to ask one last time and I just couldn't believe what the hell he said so I hung up on him. And I tried to make the best of the trip to Florida, but how could I when he just told me to never come back? I wanted to tell everyone what he told me, just to get back at him for IDK what. I should have left. I would have, but I didn't. And at the time, Bri just asked her Gramma if I could go with them JUST to shut me up. And that sucks so much. and to make matters even more worse, she broke up with me and I didn't even know it. I'm not trying to make her look like the bad guy, but that happened to me before. The guy broke up with me and I didn't even know until he straight up said to me 'WE'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE.'
It's senior year. Isn't it supposed to be fun?
Why did you have to leave? Why leave us like this? I mean this when I say that life without you is like living in hell. I don't know what's going on and nothing seems to go right. You were the only one thatknew what to say or do. You were able to make me mad and then happy not even 20 seconds later. And now you're moving to Ceres. You told me the day before you were gona leave. I'm glad that you realized that doing what you did wasn't getting you anywhere, but I always thought we'd do this together. Whose house am I going to go when I feel like I'm at my lowest? Who's gonna tell me "everything's gona be alright, I promise"? Who's gona tell me 'forever N ever'? Who's gona say 'never letting go' when we're 'riding phone lines' pretending like we're holding each other? Who was the one that told me 'never forget' because things were gonna be Okay? Who's gona call me up late at night and call and call until I answered? Who's gonna say gnite to PW and Lumpy when it's time to go to sleep? Who's gonna go with me to SD now? Who's gonna tell me "fuck your dad. it's your life. don't let him rule it'? Who's gonna randomly call me and say 'baby? iloveyou'. You told me you're gona come back. Why can't you just stay here? With me. &the kids. and be happy.
why does shit have to be so shitty right now. I fucken hate this. I fucken hate sitting on my bed, crying, wishing for better days to come when I know that only half of a half my days are good.
BABY just come back to me. I promise you things will be better. Just give me another chance. a REAL chance. Give US another chance. I fucking love you. Can't you fucking see that? i've tried to be strong. for you, for us. but I can't anymore. It's 2008 and we were supposed to spend it together. Please come back to me.
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2007.12.31 19.12
It's a bitch.
[12.30] I'm in Georgia right now. I don't know how many of you guys read this. I imagine about... not even one. Probably only myself. Ha? I guess. Well I thought that this quote from Knocked Up was really cute and that those half brained kidds out there in relationships to really pay attention to this. It's something that I've been trying to tell Bri, but couldn't put into words and this stupidasfuck movie said it all for me. Thank you creators of Knocked Up. I needed this. So, here goes...
"Do you ever wonder how somebody could like me?"
"the biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. She loves me. She's the one. People love you, man! Idt I can accept her love. You can't accept it? You can't accept pure love? She's picked up as her life partner! and you play fantasy baseball because you can't accept her love? and you bust your balls because youre a filthy BITCH. Debby wants to give her life to you and it makes me sad all day."
The quotes go a little something like that. I didn't have any luck finding them on Google and I didn't feel like rewinding/pausing until I got all of the words correct. Tedious. I really wish I knew what was wrong and why she doesn't want to be with me.
[12.31] Today we went to Stone Mountain Park. It was ALRIGHT. No just kidding. It was a sorry excuse for an amusement park. It was pretty lame. The only good thing was the Polar Express thing. It's in a movie theater, except it's in 4D, special effects in and out of the movie. You could feel the air and you get sneezed on when the reindeer sneezes. It was pretty cool. And then I got a call from Bri. She wanted Bernadette's, number, her public defender. And I got angry. I asked her if that's all she calls me for now. And I didn't hear what she said, but I just gave her the number. I was so mad at her for doing this to us that I wanted to say FUCKYOU when she said 'Late.' I'm about to give up, but I can't because, unlike her in this relationship, I'm optimistic. I believe that there's gona be a change in this. I believe we're gona get better. But I don't think she believes. It sucks, really. I only think that because she has only called me twice. Once, I didn't get because my phone was in the car and the second time she called, I answered, but she only wanted her PD's number. And I've been gone since last wednesday. WHAT THE FACK? That's not cool.
We didn't go to the Georgia Aquarium today. We're not going tmo either. They said it's too much money. We're going down the drain. We're gona be poor and can't afford gas back home. Bullshit like that. I was soo looking forward to that aquarium, too. It was going to be my highlight of the trip because there is only so much you can do in Disneyworld within a few days. Not much time, so much to see. It's gay. And I wish things were better with everything. A lot better. Hopefully when we get back home things will shapen and lighten up. Hoorah for the New Year? Sure. Let's hope so.
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2007.12.25 13.28
:/
Things just aren't the same anymore.
I wish I knew what to do. With everything, everyone.
It seems like no matter what I do, I can't make anything better.
My New Year's Resolutions consist of:
-Being a better daughter.
-Being a better girlfriend.
-Keeping my grades up. *fingers crossed
-Not going with the flow and doing my own thing.
-Doing better at work.
-Keeping school and work separate.
-Making new, exciting, interesting friends. [check]
-Trying something new as in food, colors, hair, etc.
-Trying to eat more healthily.
-Trying to get a certain someone to stop doing certain somethings.
-Not drinking any dark sodas [check].
-Trying to keep my room decent (haha)
-No regrets.
-Getting accepted to the schools I want to go to.
-Being me.
I haven't really sat down and thought about those things. They were just at the top of my head. But I really will try to keep up with them. I don't want to go through anymore bad sh!t. And I hope that for the next year, she and I won't have to argue everyday and that she and I have the balls to stay with each other through thicknthin. I want this year to be stress-free for everyone.
----
I'll be leaving soon for Georgia. Then from there, to Florida. I really do miss her. I can't believe she really didn't want me to go and that she just asked to shut me up. That's terrible. Especially because she knew I really wanted to go. AND she changed her pw. Wtf is that? I'll get everything out before new years. Hopefully. :/
Until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
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2007.11.29 17.29
Luv Sic. Pt.1
Luv(sic)
Lovesick like a dog with canine sensitivity
developing this new theory of relativity
connecting our souls resting in captivity,
positive life sacrifice what it is to me
our history, only a quarter of a century
reality, sitting on the shoulders of our chemistry
see ain't no mystery, the colours that we mix will set the mind free,
let the blind see beyond harmony!
breathe life into dead space blow away all clouds of doubt
new territory we determine to be
everything a safe haven is supposed to be
now it might seem distant but the time is near
when our thoughts take off and split the atmosphere
pure sound waves travel semi-infinitely,
plus I'll see you there utmost definitely!
'cause the beat plus the melody makes me speak of l.o.v.e. eloquently, so evidently
'cause the beat plus the melody makes me speak of l.o.v.e. eloquently, so evidently
good gracious, every process has a genesis and ends with a revelation
god bless this opportunity for me to find a voice
for some words that have waited for way too long
low wages, small tips on the avenue
never wasted, all hits for a revenue
haven't you heard the news lately?
seems we've been living for sometimes in a purgatory
but yo, I thought I knew what a love song sound like
but I felt a warmer tune in the sunlight
I could still hear it in the room past midnite,
gotta move, take a solo cruise in the moon light
sometimes I do forget , oh how much we could ease the lives we lead
if we learn to let go, the reins that we hold
return to our souls, and the spirit let flow
so you see, upon everyday faced there's a million shades to express definition of grace
but the method I choose my prerogative,
there's so much love in me I got to give!
(chorus)
oh how I could write a book on how you make me feel,
but how about this song that I wrote for you?
what I feel like... I wanna put my trust in these simple words
for you to feel what I'm saying, what you feel like?
reminisce about the little episodes that we shared together?
remember the time that you told me in the cold night,
to relax when all I knew was to hold tight
remember the time that I spoke to a crowd in a full house and realized that you was my ace?
I was the joker on the stage singing the blues
all eyes on me and had nothing to prove
but yo, I thought I knew what a diamond shine like
but I felt a sharper love in the limelight,
from the queen of hearts watching me quietly in the upper deck balcony
sometimes I do suspect, I'm an actor in a well-scripted live divine comedy
when I look back at that frozen slice of time and try to defrost the senses lost
now enough with the metaphors, the motivation that I wrote this letter for
for you to know that the music help us carry on,
like you say a new day will bring us tomorrow...
'cause your beat plus my melody makes me speak of l.o.v.e. eloquently, so evidently
'cause my beat plus your melody makes me speak of l.o.v.e. eloquently, so evidently
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2007.11.29 17.19
Luv Sic. Pt.2
Luv(sic) pt.2
Once again, now where do I start, dear love
Dumb struck with the pure luck to find you here
Every morn' I awake from a cavernous night,
Sometimes still pondering the previous plight,
Seems life done changed long time no speak,
Nowadays I often forget the day of the week
Taking it by stride if you know what I mean,
No harm done, no offense taken by me
So let's rap, we'll catch up to par, what's the haps?
Perhaps we're even closer now after all things considered on this side of the planet,
Couldn't pick a better time even if we planned it!
To come clean and candid if I have to
Oh what I wouldn't trade for your laughter
Sweet and sour spice in my poetry pot melting,
Even better than the real thing!
It's like the God in me saw the Devil in you
I wanted to break myself in the worst way when I met you
Who would have thought, conversate by the river, celebrate birth,
Sit and delivered the lines that would prove to be the seeds of trust
Unsigned, yeah but destined to grow with sunshine
Self-assigned task piled on the desk of good works,
Knowing hardship appreciate the best of both worlds!
C'est la vie, as they say L.O.V.E evidently, see every song has a sequel
Never same, everything but the name, all fresh just like back then, how we do everyday
C'est la vie, as they say L.O.V.E eloquently, see every dream has a part two
Never same, you got to keep it tight, all fresh just like back then, now hear me out…
Once together, now where do we go, dear divine
I pray that you keep watching over us,
From the heavens where light is the nucleus
To this space filled with darkness and negative matter
Anti-gravity pull is what I would rather feel when I leave this shell eventually
Ties to the mother earth ground me mentally,
Real vibes will keep me alive spiritually
Imagination brings bliss at no cost, when I blink blink I receive at no loss
Victory comes in small packages like a leaf of an olive tree brought back by a dove
From above, then I'm gonna rhyme love,
Well you saw that one coming ever since the beginning of the end
Well anyways, I am not a perfect being, yes I am a man full of sin
It's like the Devil in me saw the God in you,
You epitomize the etymology of enthusiasm!
Look it, up there lies the clouds that form the rain
That came from the ocean that flowed from the river
I'm a believer, firm with the first words, lyrical transceiver of our ancient roots
(Science + Arts) * Faith / # of our Ethnic Race!
Let me mention what I've been thinking
How to save the children, when the ship is sinking
So I'm singing, no lip syncing to slogans,
Political hooligans with tanks, missiles and guns!
Everything is relative when it's all in the family of man,
Understand the time has finally come to realize the great power of 1,
All formulas equalize under the Sun, Amen!
The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music,
In times of need I won't be leaving you sick
The beat plus the melody's the recipe,
Your vibe surely brings out the best in me!
The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music,
In times of need I won't be leaving you sick
The beat plus the melody's the recipe,
All good souls lost may they rest in peace!
(repeat)
Hiphop worldwide we got to live in peace, like that!
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2007.11.29 17.13
Luv Sic. Pt.3
Luv(sic) pt.3
It's funny how the music put times in perspective
Add a soundtrack to your life and perfect it
Whenever you are feeling blue keep walking and we can get far
Wherever you are
Like a movie that you can't predict
Like a book that you can't resist
I sing along a song that's oh so sensual
bring along a sip to make it all so sexual
verbally that is, making love to the music means vibing to the beat at night
with the whole city fast asleep, out cold
true words seem to rise to the lips, take hold
of a poet in me, most powerfully
I feel free when the world doesn't owe it to me
It's so hard to find a gig that lives up to the billing,
trying to find a reason to work, god willing
I admit, my thinking is wishful
like a star upon a child gazing up to the ceiling
how far do we have to stretch the truth
to fit the lifestyles borrowed and overdue
we can take it all back to the register
and start all over from the canister
let's break it all down into pieces of bright
moments that pass by like a meteorite
throw on your favorite reel that's good to go
on the analog player watch the people glow
sit back to the breeze let the memories flow
comedy tragedy all the highs and lows
(chorus)
Like your moves that I can't predict
Like your look that I can't resist
The ting-a-ling feeling was oh so mutual
the lingering appeal was so unusual
herbally what is, medicine to a lone soul can become poison to some
with the whole body fast asleep, out cold
true vision seem to come to the eye, take hold
of a prophet in me most visibly
I see clear when the world doesn't show it to me
It's so hard to make sense in a cycle of billing,
trying to find a reason to quit and make a killing
I admit, our dealing is painful
like a star upon a child staring down from the ceiling
how far do we have to stretch the picture
before pixelating the human texture
we can take it all back to the register
and start all over from the canister
let's save it all up for an ultimate prize
homecoming gathering with a big surprise
throw on your favorite record that's good to go
on the analog table and it's hooked to blow
sit back with ease and hear the emcee flow
hi hat kick drum all the highs and lows
(chorus)
Um, third time's the charm, hopefully
when I chime on your door you'd still let me in
after all these years
the room that you caved in my heart is exactly the same as you left it
I realize that you have moved on
new styles and cliques like them silent flicks
I'm speechless in this golden occasion
the beautiful expression on the silver creation
this time I'd like to keep in touch
I'm a likkle bit wiser, a whole lot tougher
if I suffer through another nightmare tonight,
we'll chalk it up as another chapter to write, all right?
or wrong or somewhere down the middle of the road
I wanna see you again in a scene with the backdrop a perfect ten
and the music can take us back to the spot right then
from black and white to a sepia tone
some dreams come with a tint or in monochrome
from black and white to my skin tone
some dreams have a stint on the microphone
(chorus)
okay we can take it all back to the register
and start all over from the canister
let's break it all down into pieces of bright
moments that pass by like a meteorite
throw on your favorite jacket and you're good to roll
on the analog trail and you look the role
just stroll through the trees and let your miseries go
sunshine hurricane all the highs and lows
we can take it all back to the register
and start all over from the canister
let's break it all down into pieces of bright
moments that pass by like a meteorite
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2007.11.29 15.54
random shiet.
Me: I get it on there!
Jon: Frls? ME TOO! (tries to high-five me)
Me: Ew.
A few minutes later...
Jon: So what's a boob sposed to feel like?
A few minutes after this...
Jon: No really, what's a boob sposed to feel like?
Me: Like bags of sand.
Jon: ohh.
LMAO!
------
R i c k Y: but im scared of bri now =(
R i c k Y: would she beat me up?
R i c k Y: LOL
g 0 t j 3 n n: lmao
g 0 t j 3 n n: NO she's not gona beat you up
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2007.09.11 18.14
Senior year has barely even started and I've already gotten myself into a huge pile of shit. I didn't mean for things to be like the way they are. But I guess that your true 'friends' are the people that stood by you even though what you did was wrong on a lotta levels. The people that say shit to you and despise you afterwards aren't people worth keeping in your life. I know someone that stayed with me through alla that sh!t. She's one of the people that I seriously thought would never talk to me again, let alone say my name or think of me, or even look at me. What I did was wrong. I'm not going to go into detail about it, but I know it was wrong. But I didn't do it to piss people off. It didn't surprise me when they stopped talking to me. What I was surprised about was how Bri stayed by my side. I love her so much, I was so afraid of losing her. For a few days I did lose her, but I put on my best face and stayed strong. She's really truly something special and I am so lucky to have her in my life. Whenever anyone asks if we're still together, this giant smile comes across my face because it's amazing how you could really learn to love someone and be happy with them in such a short amount of time. But 7 months is a long time. When I first saw her, I was instantly attracted. I may not've known anything about this person, but I knew I was going to. I told the girls 'that I'm gona be with that girl someday. Just watch.' and one day it happened. Kim said 'shit, Jenn! whatever you did, say something about me!'. I remember everything that's included her, starting from the first say I saw her, to the first time I met her (thanks to Meestah Irvin), the first fight we had a fight about a certain someone, our first conversation, even if it was like 5 minutes until we got to class, then had a longer conv while I sorted papers; from the first day we chilled cause she finally figured out who I was; our first date, which was at chili's cause it was a day out with the girls. I fed her with my fork, and I was recovering from a cold, which eventually passed to her; I remember the first time we held hands; I remember the first time we kissed... well first I kissed her on the cheek after she walked me to class, then a few days after, at the park on the hill, we had our first real kiss. I remember the first time I went to her house and laid down next to her; I remember my first 'Indian meeting' in her shed with the guys and we saw a zebra on the wall. LMAO. Then I thought the world was gona end. Sh!t, man. I remember the first time I took a risk with her when I was sposed to be at Steph's house and was really at Josh's house, then back at my house cause my parents and siblings were in atwater and it was the greatest time alone with her. I remember V-Day and how Andres' stomach got pumped later that day cause he had dranken hella liquor, a liter to be exact. Then later after that he need to pee and fell in the pushes with his pants still on. lmao. hahhha. I remember watching Letters from Iwo Jima that day and my brother was blown and was falling asleep on the skateboard. I remember my first time with her. I remember the first time calling her. I remember falling asleep on the phone with her for the first time and I recorded her. I remember our first pictures together. I remember getting all dressed up and shit for SrBall and her telling me 'Baby, you look gorgeous'. I remember the night of SrBall when we got home. I remember waking up and having Margie and Mille stare at Bri's ass and the hole in her boxers. hahha. I remember when she asked me to be her girlfriend. It was a week before Valentine's and she had something planned, but wouldn't tell me sh!t. I went to Sizzlers cause it turned to plan abcdefg something and when I got there, she came skating over to me with a bouquet of roses. We got to school and it was sprinkling and she was holding me cause I was cold and she said 'will you be my girlfriend?'. Of course I said yes, I only asked her to be my baby a week before that and she said I was impatient. I had to wait. Everything that has happened, I thank God for. I prayed and prayed for someone to make me happy again, for someone to love me back as much as I loved them and more. My prayers were answered.
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My friends are the greatest people on earth. I may not be that perfect friend everyday, but no one's perfect. But I do love you guys. Hella. School and life overall wouldn't be the same. Seriously. It would probably be a giant BORE. I can't believe that it's been FOUR fucking years. Fantastic years with all of you girls + drew, It's saddening to think that soon high school will be over. I don't want to leave Creek. I have so many memories with you guys that it's really gona be hard. I'm scared to not be able to see you guys when college starts. But I know you'll always be there. And the same for me. breakfastlunch&dinner, jujennimillicaliarewna, alla those little things we had will stay the same to me.
I want this year to be a stress-free year. I want this year to be a fun year, and I don't need drugs to get me happy. I want to live this year with Bri by my side, always my baby. I want to go out and have fun with the girls and be happy. I want to find a decent job where the management doesn't suck and aren't anal about everything. It's senior year, who doesn't want it to be fun?
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2007.06.17 23.41
yeah.
now it's our turn to shine!
'08 bitches!
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2007.04.03 18.08
Rut.
So yesterday was one of my many bad days.
It started off fine like all of the other days, but after lunch it just SUCKED. Sorta.
So, like I said, things were fine. Bri walked me to my classes and whatnot and yeah, things were chill. Seventh period came and we were standing outside because we usually do that when she drops me off to 7th. But she said something about Henry and that blew my lid off. It was the same conv. about him that we have and it just got on my nerves about how I always have to tell her that I don't talk to him or associate with him in any way. And I was like 'you're the one that has another girlfriend.' but I just said that jokingly and I guess I made it all worse. and then I was like 'IMJUSTKIDDINGBABY!' and she didn't want to kiss me adios! so I was like 'whatever then.' and I walked into class.
and then afterschool I was walking to the car and I hear her yell 'BABY!' and I turn and look and I see her and my mom gives me money to get ice cream for Let. And I bought ice cream and my mom didn't want to eat the one I bought for her so I gave it to Bri. And then I was like 'I have to go now baby.' and she's like 'why you gotta be such a butt for?' and I was like 'How am I being a butt?' and I was like 'nevermind I gotta go.' and I got into my car and left. And then she calls me on my cellular and is like 'why you being like that?' and I was like 'I don't wanna talk about this right now.' and I don't remember the whole conversation but I ended up getting mad and then I hung up on her twice and she calld back and was like 'Well, I think you should take a break. y'know... so that you can think about what you really want.' and I was like 'No, I don't want to do that.'
--edit
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2007.02.15 19.36
List
UrbanOutfitters:
Lux Sweetheart Pointelle Top, maroon, S
Sparkle & Fade Satin Lace Inset Cami, green, S
Ruby Sky Striped Bow Front Cami, blue, S
Abercrombie:
maddy low rise skinny, 14, dark
marcy, brown, M
Hollister:
Faria Beach, S/M, Pink or Blue
Scripps Park, S/M, Pink
Surfriders, S/M
edit--
Mood:  content
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2006.11.15 15.48
Today, in 7th period...
We were put into group clusters and I was in a group with Drew, Thu, and Billy. So we're doing our work, well sorta, and Ms. Frank comes over and asks if we have any questions. So we say no and she turns around and Drew says "Lets'cheat, shall we?", and little to his knowledge, she was standing to his right and he looks to where he thought she was, looked up and saw her, and said "OH SHOOOT!". OMG. It was the highlight of my day! His face was like... My gosh, I cant'describe it. But it was hilarious.
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2006.10.27 23.54
I know...
BASICALLY-- the things that I just wrote are not here anymore. fucking shit. If I remember later on, Ill'retype it. But right now Im'gona pass. Hahha. But today was fucking awesome. I love you guys. JUNIORSJUNIORSJUNIORS! homecoming .06 wooooo!! hahah. okay, that was gay.
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2006.10.05 21.52
I HATE JUSTIN DAUZ!
I HATE JUSTIN DAUZ!
Hahah. Okay, no I dont'but thats'what he thinks. Haha. Crazy kidd.
Today? Today was actually preetttyy goood. Why? Well lets'see, shall we?
OH YEAH. HAPPYBIRTHDAY BIG HEAD AND FEE!
second.jackson.geometry: I LEARNED HOW TO DO PROOFS TODAY. yay! Class today was arite.
third.avila.oceanology: GOSH. Danny Artea. THAT KIDD! I need someone to be my partner for the ballroom scene for homecoming. BUT THAT JERK DOESNT WANT TO BE IT! GOSH. Well, other than that, we calculated grains of sand. yaaayyy. NOT.
fourth.dediego.pe: testing. testing. testing. AND WHAT DO I GET? I got a big fatty ZERO on my test. JERRRRK. Just kidding.
fifth.wessels.ushistory: Got a study/review guide. I started it but then I stopped when the bell rang. Then...
sixth.wessels.TA: then I did some more of the review b'cause I had nothing else to do in that class. Actually, I had to correct papers, but then I stopped b'cause the bell was going to ring in about two minutes.
sventh.frank.english: practiced our scene. It was cool. Then I made shirts out of paper that was formerly a boat. Then I made a dress out of paper. yeap, thats'what we do in english. Just kidding. We were doing this b'cause were'all performing tomorrow scenes from "the Crucible". yeap. Its'gay.
AFTERSCHOOL: chilled at the Mols'house and JUSTIN FOLLOWED ME THERE. freak. justkidding. He connected the dots on my face with my eyeliner. then I was getting worried when I was tryna take it off b'cause you could still see a shape of a triangle. Haha. Then I got picked up and went to stephs'house.
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2006.09.28 22.56
Whisper lyrics by Ernie Halter
I dont'remember where I got these from.
How do I ask her to come back to me
After I told her goodbye
How do I love her so desperately
And for so long I pushed her for side
How do I walk back into her life
Now don't wanna walk away
How do I ask her, to see me again
I told her I wasn't sure, We can be friends
God can you whisper, in her ear
Anywhere on the wait to her call
Before the wind blows her too far
Away from my heart
Can you whisper in her ear
Anytime what she slide on her bed
Can you tell her everthing that I said
Everthing that I Saaaid
Oh Ou Hummmm
How do i try explain everthing
Nothing I said seems to (fade/fake)
Ohhh Noo
How do I get her to pick up the phone
Behind we ever get like this
Tell me what kind of man, lets love slips away
And leave such a good thing behind
Hold in my hand (lalala)
Praying to find, a way to fill in this hole I have inside
God can you whisper, in her ear
Anywhere on the wait to her call
Before the wind blows her too far
Away from my heart
Can you whisper in her ear
Anytime what she slide on her bed
Can you tell her everthing that I said
Everthing that I Saaaid
Yeeeeahh
OOh Ouuuuuuuu, Can you whisper
OOOOOuuu, How can you talk to her
Can you talk to her, Ooowouu Yeeah, Can yoouUuU, Whispeeeeeer
Can you, Whispeeer, OuowuOWow Hmmmm Heeey
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2006.09.27 16.02
WHAT?!
Ehhh, I dont'feel like recappin on the things that have happened recently. Ill'just type last weekend and today. Mkay:
TODAY: So I just had a smoothie from JambaJuice. It was DELICIOUS. I got White Gummi. MMM. I was tryna tell my mom to get Pink star[bust] but she got grape escape instead, which I think tastes WEIRD. Anyways. I googled "jamba juice secret menu" just like how I googled "IN N OUTs'secret menu" Hahha. I have no life |" Ugh. What I got was prreeettyyy coool [" :
White Gummi Bear
Red Gummi Bear
Green Gummi Bear
Pink Starburst
Raspberry Dreamin'
Pineapple Dreamin'
Sourpatch Kid
Tropical Tango
Pacific Passion
Berry Depressing
Now and Later
Peanut Butter and Jelly
Apple Pie
Fruity Pebbles
Strawberry Shortcake
Next time Ima'try PB&J or red gummi bear. MMM. Hahha. LAST WEEKEND: URBANGROOVEatMHT. DOOTS, that was GREAT. Hella fun time with my best lady! CAMILLE! That was was seriously the best day/night this month. OHMAN/ why? B'cause I got to kick it with Jauz and Mille [: We played hide and seek. Then we watched jive theory. yay! Hahah. DAN CAME! I was like "OH SHIT. omgomgomgomg." Its'a good thing I looked hecka decent that day! But then I also saw oscar. Yecks. If only he didnt'lead me on like that, jerkk! Hahah. Sokay. Sallgood, yeah? yeah. For now. jk. The next day was the carwash and cafe soul. Went to carwash when it was pretty much over. but there were still a few cars comin. So I helped wash those. Then tito bobby came to pick me and mille up and drop us off at their house. Then milles showered and me and margie conversed. ahah. Then me and her ate fruit. MMM. doots, were'fatasses. LOL. Then Mille called her uncle to see if he could pick us up and take us to St. Francis for CAFESOUL! YEAH! So he did and I was being rude and I was on the phone while we were waiting for tito vic to finish crapping. Gosh, and Im'filipino! How could I NOT know what to do? MMAAANN, Im'retarded. Lol jk. So we got there and it looked pretty much deserted but we were on the wrong side of the church. So we finally got to the right side anndd yeah. There were a good amount of heads there. It was soo cool. and There were a lotta hotties there. But I couldnt'talk to them b'cause they were behind me and plus, mille was with me and that woulda been rude. Hmm. Next time. ahha. And then I called my dad back and I explained to him my grade and I slept at milles house and she took a picture of me while I was sleeping. Ugh. Hahha. Then we headed to church, but my mom was in front of us so I went home with her. And yeap. Hahah. I dont'remember what else happened today. Oh well.
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2006.09.15 20.57
SHEEEESH
hmm, when was the last time I LJ'd? Oh, I know. the seventh. The next day, the 8th, was absolutely TERRIBLE. Like you dont' even know. SERIOUSLY. My mom was already in the front when I got outta class. We were waiting for Ading to come and she was like "I got a call from Ninang Marivic." And automatically, I knew something bad happened. Lately, it's been about my uncle and the crazy things he's been doing. But somehow I knew that it wasn't about him that time. And my mom was like "yes, it's bad news. But no, it's not about them... Jeremy was in a car accident and... he didn't make it." With those words said, my whole body froze. I was in total shock, that my body went into shock. I wasn't moving, talking, etc. for about 5 minutes. I just couldn't believe that shit. I mean, KUYA jeremy? Jeremy dori? wtf! I never, in my life, would've thought anything like that would happen to him. So I was like "no. seriously mom. really?" and she's like "Really really." and I was like "What?! how?" and she told me how they were in a car accident-- kuya jer, his lady Jill, and a friend [who was driving]-- and they were up mt. hamilton and lost control of the car. Kuya fractured is head and injured his spinal cord-- err something like that. I don't know the whole story. But still, something like that to happen to him! gnikcuf crazy.To this day, I don't believe it. It's too surreal. LISTEN: I'll finish later. I promise.
Miss you Jeremy.
We'll all see you tomorrow, mkay?
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2006.08.31 20.06
.interesting
So I went to barnes and noble the other day afterschool with kidds and mom. Eastridge was packed, though. And it was a wednesday! Weeeiirrd. Okay anyways... Got to B&N and went cruising around to my favorite section: fiction. Then I went on over to my second favorite: biographies. That was where I found my next book: memoirs of a broken heart. It sounds depressing, I know, but I started to read the "intro" and it sounds reallllllly great. It almostsortakina relates to me and my ex. But how the author and his last girlfriend were with each other and the way me and my ex were... well, it was all scattered. The author's exgirl would buy everything and do everything for him and he wouldnt do much b'cause he was unemployed and lazy [hey, he said so himself]. And it was the same with me, but the exgirl was the one that left. And in my case, the guy left me. Oh gosh, that sounds terrible. I've yet to discover what else he has written. But most of the stuff he writes about is stalking, killin, stabbing, shittalking, yaddah. OH. and sex. He mentions in one section "and the sex was the best. It was like nothing I've ever had. She was the best sex ever. Her vagina git me like a glove." I was like "wow. I've never heard anyone express a girl's thingthing like that. After I read that, I thought that this book will be super interesting. And I'm going to find out. I'll tell you more when I get more into the book.
adios.
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